Follow up thoughts on Imposter Feelings:
Have you ever had a really engaging thought about something you wanted to do or achieve and were really excited about that idea until only then instantly have the exact opposite feeling of doubt and discouragement? Did you tell yourself “I can never do that!” or have another excuse to not even pursue it?
Have you ever considered why you were so adamant and definitive that you couldn’t or shouldn’t even consider it?
What if you defiantly resisted that negative emotion and did it anyway regardless of any excuse you offered for not pursuing it? Imagine what you could accomplish if you didn’t always listen to that side of yourself! Do you think that sometimes our emotions override the logical side of ourselves?
In my experience, it’s not a matter of getting motivated or finding ambition to start or accomplish goals. I have found that it’s the consistent habits that you build and engage in over the long term that will keep momentum flowing in the background of your busy life. It’s identifying simple habits that you can execute each day to continue making small and steady progress regardless of whether you feel motivated to do it or not. I believe it’s best not to wait for inspiration to drive you, as it often wanes and fluctuates. Perhaps you would benefit from a reliable system that operates regardless of how you feel each day.
Read about this system in my first piece on Imposter Feelings.
For this piece, I’d like to delve into the strange phenomenon of our negative self-talk and outright disregard for one’s own aspirations when they do hit. Why is our initial reaction to the enthusiasm for something that we actually want to do so blatantly adverse to feeling encouraged to pursue it?
Consider if a friend came to you and shared the very same ambition, would your immediate response be supportive and encouraging or would you find every unfounded claim to try and prove that they couldn’t succeed?
If you wouldn’t respond to a friend in that manner, why do we feel that we can treat ourselves so harshly? Why is our self-talk so negatively skewed? If we’re the only people to tell ourselves that we couldn’t do something, based on no real information, why would we even listen to ourselves in the first place?
I challenged myself to try and confidently answer these questions when I feel the overwhelm of self-doubt:
What actual purpose does it serve me in being so internally pessimistic and doubtful?
What am I actually unsure of?
I believe that if we can’t logically and objectively answer these questions then our emotions are perhaps getting the best of us, and they sabotage our abilities to accomplish meaningful and fulfilling goals in our lives. Even if the answer is being fearful of failure or being afraid of {fill in the blank…}, then we still haven’t analyzed the situation enough to determine if that is the actual reason we can’t do it or still just the perceived reason.
Our emotions are sly and tricky, especially if we’re alone without someone else’s perspective. We could bury ourselves in hesitation and excuses which may all based on false beliefs, and this mindset can seem to perpetuate endlessly.
So then, what is a realistic solution to prevent this downward spiral of self-doubt? I believe it’s information. According to Jon Acuff, it’s data that defeats doubt. You look at the unadulterated facts about the situation and separate from your emotional self.
If it is fear that you feel which is preventing you from committing, can you further identify what you are afraid of? Without judgement, without any implications, what aspect makes you afraid? When you diagnose these specific reasons, perhaps the answers are not so vague after all, and you can see that there are things in your control that can override that fear and doubt. You discover that you are empowered to pursue a goal because you are focusing on action and pairing solutions to objectives. You gain agency rather than succumbing to misleading emotional responses.
You’ll need some time to think and reflect and sit with these feelings and thoughts. Oftentimes we can’t effectively navigate through all the noise in our minds and making progress best occurs when we are intentional.
Often our emotions jump to conclusions quickly, but it takes time to figure out logic. Don’t shortchange yourself by settling on the first response you feel, pausing to reflect could help navigate you in identifying those fears and doubts and discovering appropriate solutions. Give yourself the opportunity to uncover a solution before you unknowingly accept the first thought that comes to mind, and you give up without even trying.
Would you rather regret things you tried and failed at or things you didn’t even attempt because you cut yourself short before you even gave yourself a chance?
Failure doesn’t have to be finite; it’s just another opportunity to continue to learn and improve. The best part of failing is the next time you have the advantage of starting with experience.
I also learned another vital habit that helps to mitigate doubt is being able to acknowledge the small wins. Stepping back and identifying when things went well and when you had a positive result will help you realize that there is progress being made, even if it’s the slightest. You don’t necessarily need an overwhelming windfall to prove to yourself that you were successful. Simply observe the facts and know that your direct actions produce direct results, all you must do is remain consistent.
The same theory still applies- remove yourself from your emotions and don’t let the excitement of acknowledging the win distract you or cause you to become complacent.
To close on these thoughts about imposter feelings, it could be wise not to believe everything negative that pops into your mind when you find inspiration. Just reassure yourself that there is a process in place, you just need to apply it!